For my Mother (2004)

(somewhat a predecessor to "Red")This poem is different from Red because it's about an immature me. Red is about being unable to connect with your mother due to the whole culture barrier, but it is also about how we will never completely be able to share ourselves with our mothers. This poem is about the guilt I felt looking back years later, at being "ashamed" in elementary school of having an immigrant parent that didn't speak English. It was really difficult to write back then (hence the fairly simple vocabulary) and I've never been able to read it out in its entirety.  The one time I did have to read it in an 11th grade poetry class, my friend Dayna got up and finished it for me.

For my mother

The forgotten days I have spent
countless hours over fading pictures
begging for forgiveness
from the inanimate woman
in explosive colors,
magenta lipstick
an unwelcome sight on American streets
For the nights I cried in silence,
remembering how she held me
For this cherished bond,
as sweet as blood
that envelops me in tenderness
intangible, but felt ever so softly
For innocence,
the breath of sleeping children
against a mother's cheek,
as painful as salty tears
streaming down a mother's worn cheek
For my wretchedness
hiding from a beautiful mother
neglecting a caring mother
feeling shame when kids saw my mother
For the love
she will never understand
the days she will never get back
the youth she will never have lived
For my mother.